I'm through wearing my heart on my sleeve. I'm not as bad as others, but I tell way too much to anyone who will listen. Is it attention I seek? Understanding? Or do I just need to get the words out of my mouth.
This post is my promise to myself, to stop. I can't be like him. Only tell those who ask, who care. and I will write to myself, here. the only person I need to hear me is myself.
Sunday, December 9
12 days is a success
So I've been going on for 12 days having not contacted him. It's not out of hatred, it's not anger. It's not even a test. It's just something I feel I should do for myself.
I have yet to decide what I'll say when he contacts me next. Maybe he won't. Maybe he hasn't even noticed it's been 12 days. I bet he hasn't.
I could give him a million truths if he asks about why I haven't been bothering him lately.
1. "I figured you were busy with school."
2. "I've been busy"
3. "Because lately I've been having a debate on my emotions for you. When I'm not talking to you, I figure all these feelings I have for you are just displaced from my recent failed romantic endevors. I've been focusing all that attention on you, but it's not real. It's only because you're a guy I care for. But see, when I talk to you and see you, I think I'm in love with you. Our conversations make me insanely happy, the way I dont think any guy has ever done and I think that if I could talk to only one person for the rest of my life, I'd pick you. But you have that girlfriend, so instead of me sitting around, hoping you'll break up by the time I see you again, maybe if I stop talking to you, I'll convince myself that my feelings are illusions"
I think option #2 is best, unless I'm feeling crazy honest.
I have yet to decide what I'll say when he contacts me next. Maybe he won't. Maybe he hasn't even noticed it's been 12 days. I bet he hasn't.
I could give him a million truths if he asks about why I haven't been bothering him lately.
1. "I figured you were busy with school."
2. "I've been busy"
3. "Because lately I've been having a debate on my emotions for you. When I'm not talking to you, I figure all these feelings I have for you are just displaced from my recent failed romantic endevors. I've been focusing all that attention on you, but it's not real. It's only because you're a guy I care for. But see, when I talk to you and see you, I think I'm in love with you. Our conversations make me insanely happy, the way I dont think any guy has ever done and I think that if I could talk to only one person for the rest of my life, I'd pick you. But you have that girlfriend, so instead of me sitting around, hoping you'll break up by the time I see you again, maybe if I stop talking to you, I'll convince myself that my feelings are illusions"
I think option #2 is best, unless I'm feeling crazy honest.
Sunday Mornings
I had to cruel to be kind. I drilled it into his head that it was over over over. She and I have been talking and I caught you in your lies, but no I couldn't tell you this. It's not about her, it's only further reassurance I made the right choice.
If you had to lie to keep me around, you didn't deserve me in the first place. If you loved me as you said you did, why were you trying to force me to stick with a lying, cheating loser like yourself?
.
That's it and I hope not to have to repeat myself again.
If you had to lie to keep me around, you didn't deserve me in the first place. If you loved me as you said you did, why were you trying to force me to stick with a lying, cheating loser like yourself?
.
That's it and I hope not to have to repeat myself again.
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