Conversations are Useless

J (6:35:46 PM): hi

J (6:35:51 PM): happy thanksgiving

Hilly (6:35:54 PM): you too

J (6:36:16 PM): how are you

Hilly (6:36:10 PM): good

J (6:36:46 PM): what did you do for thanksgiving, did you go visit your grandparents, or have people over

Hilly (6:36:49 PM): i did thanksgiving

J (6:37:41 PM): wow, im sure it was great,

Hilly (6:38:47 PM): okay

J (6:41:53 PM): its wierd being here, last night, there were so many people i didnt know, lots of extended family

J (6:45:11 PM): do you not want to talk right now?

Hilly (6:47:04 PM): i dont knwo what to say to you

J (6:47:43 PM): what ever is fine, anything on your mind

Hilly (6:47:42 PM): nope

J (6:48:02 PM): are you upset with me

Hilly (6:48:05 PM): i dont like you talking to my friends about me

Hilly (6:48:09 PM): but theres not much i can do about that

J (6:49:30 PM): im sorry,...i have so much i want to say, but i always think youll just get mad at me

Hilly (6:49:30 PM): you can say what you want to say

Hilly (6:49:35 PM): but it won't change anyhting

J (6:50:23 PM): i never wanted to break up

Hilly (6:50:22 PM): ok

J (6:51:16 PM): i think what happened is just a misunderstanding

Hilly (6:51:56 PM): ok

J (6:52:18 PM): you dont have anything you want to say back

Hilly (6:52:22 PM): Hilly (6:49:30 PM): you can say what you want to say

Hilly (6:49:35 PM): but it won't change anyhting

J (6:53:35 PM): can i ask you some stuff

Hilly (6:53:33 PM): yes

J (6:54:20 PM): why do you not really want to talk to me anymore. why did you want me to get all my things out of your apt and not come back

Hilly (6:54:22 PM): because we broke up

J (6:55:01 PM): i never wanted that,

Hilly (6:55:01 PM): you wanted a break

Hilly (6:55:17 PM): you wanted to step away from the relationship

Hilly (6:55:23 PM): without being at all clear on what was going on

Hilly (6:55:29 PM): after having been vague for 2 days

J (6:55:51 PM): only so that i could get my head straight, i was scared, i was so lost in my own head

Hilly (6:55:47 PM): i told you i wanted to work it out

Hilly (6:55:51 PM): you didnt want that

J (6:56:03 PM): i do

Hilly (6:55:58 PM): i said, we can work it out, or its over

J (6:56:11 PM): i do want to work it out

Hilly (6:56:07 PM): and you were so irrational and never tried to work it out

Hilly (6:56:09 PM): so that was it

Hilly (6:56:16 PM): I wasn't going to sit around and wait for you to change your mind

Hilly (6:56:18 PM): and I didnt

J (6:56:53 PM): i didnt know what to think and i didnt want anything to happen to us,

Hilly (6:57:11 PM): well, you intiated the break up

J (6:57:49 PM): again, i never wanted taht, i wanted the complete opposite,

Hilly (6:57:51 PM): what's the complete opposite?

Hilly (6:57:55 PM): You wanted a break, that was all you

Hilly (6:58:00 PM): You didn't give clarification

Hilly (6:58:20 PM): and I found it not to be a coincidence that this happened within 24 hrs of you reconcialing with julie

J (6:58:34 PM): because i didnt know what was going on with me

J (6:59:04 PM): i hate her now, ok, but she had nothing to do with it,

J (6:59:39 PM): i think if i really tell you all the things i was thinking about, it will be more clear and youll be able to see what i was thnking and why i was feeling wierd and lost

Hilly (6:59:36 PM): why should you hate her, thats weird

J (7:00:16 PM): she is a manipulative person who lies

Hilly (7:00:11 PM): well duh

Hilly (7:00:23 PM): how did she lie to you

J (7:01:31 PM): everytime i told her how great and wonderful you were, she would come back and say 'no shes not' and she always pointed me in the wrong direction, she tried to make me think in a way thats not me

Hilly (7:01:36 PM): i see

Hilly (7:01:44 PM): I will repeat what i've been saying

Hilly (7:01:57 PM): that you can say anything you feel you need to sya, but i warn you now, it doesn't change anything

J (7:02:40 PM): why, i really dont think you know what i was feeling,

Hilly (7:03:01 PM): you can tell me if you want to

Hilly (7:03:05 PM): but it wont change anything

J (7:03:40 PM): why are you so focused on being apart

Hilly (7:03:42 PM): we broke up...

J (7:04:12 PM): i never wnated to do that, ..did you wnat to

Hilly (7:04:47 PM): at a certain point i did

J (7:05:02 PM): what does that mean

Hilly (7:05:02 PM): initially i didn't want to, but your actions and such made it so that i did

J (7:05:31 PM): im sorry for all that, you know thats not me, i was so scared

Hilly (7:06:12 PM): okay

J (7:06:26 PM): i was so scared, and confused, i didnt know why you wanted me out so fast, and you didnt want to talk that night or plan to talk

Hilly (7:06:37 PM): there was no talking to you

Hilly (7:06:42 PM): you were being completely unreasonable

J (7:06:55 PM): i was mostly confused with myself, i didnt know what i was feeling,

J (7:07:04 PM): because i just wnated to talk, but you wanted me out

Hilly (7:07:06 PM): you weren't talking

J (7:08:01 PM): it was right when i was feeling wierd

Hilly (7:09:20 PM): ok

J (7:12:07 PM): you know i never wanted to break up, i know you didnt want that either. and i know you were really thrown off by what i said, but really i just needed someone to talk to

Hilly (7:15:18 PM): okay

Hilly (7:15:24 PM): well what was going on that was so detrimental

J (7:16:50 PM): stress really, just life i guess, presure from school and work, a quarterlife crisis i guess

J (7:17:01 PM): for a little while, i just felt different and i didnt know why

Hilly (7:17:10 PM): okay

J (7:17:27 PM): i didnt want anything to happen to us,

Hilly (7:17:23 PM): ok

J (7:17:49 PM): so i thought if i thought about it, i could figure it out, but really, i needed someone to talk to

Hilly (7:18:02 PM): i see

J (7:18:28 PM): really, i should have just told you,

Hilly (7:18:24 PM): i guess

Hilly (7:20:41 PM): But

Hilly (7:20:43 PM): what's done is done

J (7:21:06 PM): i dont think that

Hilly (7:23:00 PM): what do you think

J (7:24:15 PM): i think you are the most beautiful, most wounderful girl in the world,

Hilly (7:24:36 PM): you dont believe what'd done is done, so what do you think instead?

J (7:27:18 PM): what happened was a mistake, i think if we talk, we can figure a lot of things out. i know we are talking now, but i think it would be better if i take you out to a special place, and we just talk

Hilly (7:28:29 PM): i dont wnat to get back together

J (7:28:41 PM): why not

J (7:33:41 PM): i agree, how i acted was not right, i should never have got mad like that and did those things, but the i was so scared, i was not thinking clearly, i am so sorry for all that, but you know thats not me. i was not myself

Hilly (7:38:00 PM): you're very repeatetive

Hilly (7:38:02 PM): I have moved on

Hilly (7:38:09 PM): and do not want to get back tolgether

Hilly (7:38:35 PM): there is more to the world than what i have seen so far

Hilly (7:38:45 PM): and i intend to grow and experience life the way i haven't been

J (7:40:27 PM): i dont understand how you could have moved on so quickly

Hilly (7:40:26 PM): its been 2 months

J (7:42:32 PM): can we talk more in person, can i take you out somewhere so we can talk

Hilly (7:42:46 PM): i dont see how in person will change things

J (7:43:11 PM): then can we give it a try

Hilly (7:43:19 PM): I don't understand why you refuse to see it

Hilly (7:43:28 PM): We are NOT getting back together

Hilly (7:43:34 PM): Nothing you can say or do will change my mind

J (7:48:41 PM): i really want to talk so much mroe, but im gonna get up for right now,

Hilly (7:48:58 PM): i dont wnat to talk so much more

J (7:49:10 PM): can you at least think about letting me take you out so we can talk, just talk

Hilly (7:49:06 PM): I really hope you can move on

Hilly (7:49:16 PM): You talk and say the same things over and over

J (7:52:11 PM): talking online is hard, i dont feel you hear it the same way i say it, which is why i want to see you, but think about that, and you can let me know

Hilly (7:52:17 PM): i dont want to

Hilly (7:52:20 PM): and i just let you know